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Four ‘simple’ questions

Thu 23 September 2010

, Yonda Poslavsky, Labour Psychologist

Four relatively simple questions keep us sharp in terms of priorities and responsibilities. They are handy in determining whether or not our expectations are realistic. Yonda says in response to a comment on her column ‘Is feedback hard to swallow for women?’

Dear Gabrielle,You are right in stating that the high standards we’ve set for ourselves play a major role in how we deal with feedback. These are some of the things we need to keep asking ourselves: do I have to take on this job? If so, do I have to do it myself or alone? If yes, do I have to do the job now? If again the answer is affirmative, should I do it this way? These relatively simple questions keep us sharp in terms of priorities and responsibilities, and they come in handy in determining whether or not our expectations are realistic.

Tough one
You wonder how to let go of the criticism more easily? That’s a tough one. How sensitive you are to criticism very much depends on how sensitive you are to so-called external validation, or how much you drive on internal validation. The more sensitive you are to external validation, the more sensitive you are likely to be to criticism. A good check is to try and find out how much of the criticism concerns your work and how much deals with you personally.

Less complicatedGenerally speaking, feedback on your work or behaviour is easyier to swallow. It’s less complicated to determine whether the criticism is realistic, and adjustments are easily made. 

DepartmentCriticism on your personality is harder to deal with. The first question that comes to mind is: do I want to make any changes in that department? This question is harder to answer than it seems. But if you carefully listen to the criticism, you’ll find that it’s more often than not about your work and/or your behaviour than it is about your personality. 

Lingering on?
However, some feedback can linger on and turn out to be more of a disturbance. Sometimes it can even affect your work. If that happens, you should consider discussing it with, say, a personal coach.