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Three stages in learning to say NO

Mon 08 November 2010

, Lydia Duijvestijn

It's very hard to say 'NO'; No without explanations, No without having to give a reason why. We have learned to please our parents, our teachers, our boss...Sometimes we completely 'forget' our own needs and limits in doing so. Saying 'no' is best for all parties in some occasions, but how do you do that?

In the sales training that I'm following now I have learned that for people who, just like me, have a hard time saying 'no' there is a three phase approach to make progress in this basic skill. 1) 'No, later, namely....on date xyz...' This is the first stage. You won't do it now, but agree another time, later, to do it. The monkey is still on your shoulder, though 2) 'No, later...' This is the second stage. You delay the action till later without saying when; hopefully the requestor will go look for someone else 3) 'No'. This is the third stage, in which you can say just plain 'no', no explanations, no excuses. It all depends on the way you say it, of course. I'm trying and improving each day...